Sunday, January 4, 2009
Wondering
I have really been struggling lately and wondering what exactly the Lord expects from us. I truly believe that all he wants is the best we can give, but I know that only God can judge what is our best. I have been feeling like it really doesn't matter what I do, because whatever is going to happen is going to happen, and there is nothing I can do that will change it. I do have faith in the Lord and I believe that he has a plan for me. What can I do that will change God's plan? I can't and I really don't want to, so is there something wrong with just trusting the Lord and living my life? I feel like I have been "trying to hard" throughout my life. I have been trying to be perfect in all the things I do, but I don't think that matters as much as what is in my heart. Does God work on a point system? If I pray and read my scriptures then I am more worthy to get blessing than someone who doesn't do those things? Should I do those things just because I am "supposed" to? I want to have the peace that comes with the love of the Lord, what do I need to do to deserve it? I am not sure I am making any sense, but I would love some input from others. Let me know what you think.
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I so feel that way most days. I know I am not perfect but I try very hard to do my best. But I still feel like no matter what I do its only just "FAIR" and that I am no where near the mother,friend or child of God I was and am here to be. The past year was a train wreck from the word go and now with the new year I am just praying for good things.
ReplyDeleteI think of you often and even find myself saying what great advice would Trish give you if she were here.
You have been threw so much and I know I cannot fully understand how you feel or what you are going threw but I hope you know how much I love you and look up to you. You are such a great example in all that you do. I now you are not perfect, but I still always look to you and your great example. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for and you have more courage than most soldier's going off to war have. Putting your faith in God is what we have been taught our whole lives as Mormons and the fact that you do it, is breath taking and awesome. I wish I had your faith. I love you and miss you. Love Tiffanie and the kids
OK, here's my answer.
ReplyDeleteThere is one theory that everything that will happen is predestined and the will of God. If this is true, we don't have free will. If that is true, then none of our decisions are really made by us. We "feel" like we choose to be good or bad, but we can't, the wheels were set in motion before we were even on this earth.
There is another theory that there are infinite realities and every moment infinite realities peal off of the present. All realities are present.
Your question is very philosophical and meta-physical.
My personal opinion/preference favors free will (free agency). I live without a belief in God, but also superstitiously. I'm always asking myself if I could defend my actions at the Pearly Gates and whether I would be willing to suffer the consequences of my behavior.
On a side topic, I also believe that we are responsible for preserving all that is good about the people we know and have known. This means that I try to make the good things about others the good things about myself.
Examples:
Gary - care about the environment
Betsy - accept people in their totality.
Debbie - really care about my kids
Katie - be spontaneous, live in the moment
Does this answer the question?
Everything matters. It always matters. YOU matter to a lot of people and link into their lives in a very important way. Doing your best is always enough, but be careful not to fool yourself into thinking that something less is really your best. I love you.
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