Can't I Just Skip the Teenage Years?

We have had some challenging times in our home the last few weeks. My oldest has an official driver's license which has helped me out so much with the "family taxi," but has also given him more freedom and unsupervised time. One of my girls got into trouble at school (she was defending herself, and I'm behind her choice all the way, but she has to face the consequences of her actions), and my other girl is going through her teen Dr Jekyll and Mrs Hyde emotions. I have said out loud more than once that I would like to just skip the teenage years. 

But then I heard a story about a woman who had a stroke and woke up having forgotten the last ten years of her life. When her kids came to visit her, they were strangers to her. The last time she remembered seeing her kids they were young elementary students, but standing beside her were grown kids in their early twenties. I began to consider if given the choice, would I skip all the good parts of my kids growing to avoid the heart wrenching moments?  


Would I skip the dramatic tears and the nights of worry if it meant I would miss the laughter and camaraderie as our family morphs into its new shape?

Would you?

Hold On!

My blog this week is inspired by this talk by Elder Russell M Ballard:
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/10/stay-in-the-boat-and-hold-on?lang=eng

One of the hardest parts of life is seeing those you love struggle. You want to reach out and save them from their trials. But what will happen if you try to save someone when you are not in a position to do so.


Our extended family took a fun white water rafting trip a few years ago. As we went over one huge wave, my niece was thrust off of her seat and into the cold water. As we all screamed and watched her splash into the river, her dad calmly set down his oar, reached into the water, and pulled her by her life jacket back into the boat. 

Her dad could have chosen to jump into the water to save his daughter. He could have been swept downstream by the swift current right along with her, but he was smart enough to stay safely in the boat. His fast thinking kept them both safe, and the exciting adventure continued.

No matter how badly we want to save our loved ones when they are floundering, we cannot do so if we are not in a safe place ourselves. We cannot dive into the dangerous current hoping to catch them and then swim against the current back to the safety of the boat.

We need to hold on before we reach out.

That's Right, I'm a Roller Girl!

I started skating with our local roller derby team about a month ago. I haven't said much to people because I wasn't sure where it was going to go, but I'm ready to make a commitment. Here's why I've decided to join Atomic City Roller Girls:



1) It's something just for me. I spend so much time running kids around and doing things for others. This is just for me.

2) I get to meet some great ladies. Everyone has been so accepting and supportive, it's made learning easy and fun. And this is a group of women I probably wouldn't get to know in any other way. My circle of friends is expanding.

3) I get to be pretty and tough at the same time. (I must admit, I'm pretty sure my husband thinks it's hot.) Where else can you wear spandex in public and blend right in?

4) It's hard! I'm having a great time, but it is not easy. I'm pushing outside my comfort zone and enjoying the small successes as I learn new things. I'm understanding just a little bit more of how my kids must feel in their struggles.

5) I love to see the looks on people's faces when I say, "I'm doing Roller Derby!"

I'm not sure where this is going, but right now I'm enjoying the roll.

Dear Guys

Dear Guys:


I know we seem mysterious and confusing, but we are actually pretty simple. We love you and want to feel close to you. If you would do a few simple things, our relationships could grow more than you would believe.

1) Look at us when we talk to you. Yes, this means you need to put down your phone. It gets frustrating when we are asking for your help or giving you needed information and we have no idea if you are listening. Just look at us, so we know you hear us.

2) We crave your touch. Show us you want to feel us near you. Hold our hand. Touch our back. Sit close to us. 

3) Have a conversation with us. You may not need to say anything, but that's how we feel connected. Talk to us. Ask us questions. Learn about us. When we are in the car together, talk to us. We want to know you, too.


4) Be our cheerleader. Encourage us to try new things. Teach us about things you love. Let us excel and brag about us to your friends.

5) Bring peace. Do something to bring peace into our relationship. Pray with us. Meditate together. Let's take a walk together. 

But most of all, please do these things for us. Take the lead. We are waiting for you to reach out to us.

We love you. Love,

Your Ladies

Should You "Go It Alone?"

As I stood in church yesterday to sing in the choir, I flashed back to my junior high choir. I wish I was a strong singer, I love to sing, but I'm not confident and always compare myself to others around me. It was in the junior high choir that I began to form some lazy habits. I stood next to a good friend who was a strong singer and I could listen to her when I wasn't sure of the notes. I became a GREAT follower. Unfortunately, I'm not sure I ever evolved past that point. Now, even as an adult I have to be careful where I stand in a choir or when I accept an invitation to sing in a small group. I have to have someone to lean on. And if I end up next to someone who struggles a little, like myself, I worry I'm not hitting the harder notes.

But, maybe that's what a choir is for. What a blessing to have someone to lean on and to allow me to enjoy a talent I love. You couldn't have a choir full of soloists it wouldn't work, it wouldn't blend. I need those other ladies around me to help lift me up.

My youngest daughter found out the hard way what happens when you try to "go it alone." She has been riding the city bus to her ice skating lessons this summer. One day she left the house too late and missed the bus by seconds. She was frustrated and didn't want to miss her lesson, so she set off to walk the three miles to the rink. She was walking in flip-flops and dragging her skating bag behind her. She had her phone in her bag, but the battery was dead. I can imagine she felt scared and overwhelmed and at the same time proud and determined as she made that walk. She decided to rely on her own knowledge and skill to make it to her lesson. She did make it. She skated some that day, but then realized her foot hurt. She discovered a giant blister which covered the entire heel of her right foot. Although she made it to her lesson, she couldn't really skate and then had to miss her next couple of lessons because of the blister on her foot.  

When it is Okay to lean on others? When should we set out on our own with complete determination? 

Why I think being a parent today is harder than ever...

one word:

Electronics.

I'm sure throughout the ages each generation has had to deal with a new set of challenges, but I don't think you ever heard Mrs Ingalls telling Laura to "put the slate down and go outside to play."  I don't think the kids ever had to hear, "Hold on, let me finish this post to Aunt Jenny then I'll get dinner going."



It's awfully hard to keep your family safe, not just from those in your community, but literally from the entire world. (Don't call Captain Literally on me--cause it's literally true!)






Keeping up with the Joneses has now become keeping up with the Thompsons, the Mitchells, the Morenos, the Ongs, the Medinas. You can never do enough, have enough, be talented enough. When is enough enough?




We have all these great modern conveniences, yet we never seem to have extra time. Where does all that time go? What stops us from looking around to notice the messy kitchen, the dirty laundry, the lawn too long? How often do we get off the devices and spend some time with our kids? 



How cool is it that we get to connect with people all around the world? We can find answers and information at the tip of our fingers. Yet these blessings come with a dark side. It means that we must be vigilant parents at all times. We have to be prepared and prepare our children, not for what may come, but for what WILL come. Don't give up, and don't bury your head. Stand up and be a parent!

Make a Difference

I considered writing my blog about gay marriage because it has been in the spotlight all week, but I decided that just about everything there is to say about the subject has already been said. That's when I stumbled onto this story on NPR.

The entire story is about 30 minutes long. I cut it down to 5, so please listen (it is not a video, just audio). I promise it is worth every minute; it will bring tears to your eyes.

This story is about a group of children taken to a Japanese concentration camp during WWII. These kids had been at a school when the troops invaded and they were taken to the camp with their teachers, the fate of their parents unknown. The teachers did their best to help the children through this tough time and one of the things they did was continue their Girl Scout (known as Girl Guides outside the US) troop activities inside the camp.

Listen to the story told by an 80-year-old women who was one of those Girl Scouts.

In this world full of hate, fear and misunderstanding, it’s stories like this that show the resilience of the human spirit. No matter the circumstances surrounding us, we can be who we choose. You can make a difference.

Lessons from Mary Poppins

We all know she is practically perfect in every way. I love Disney's Mary Poppins, and here's lessons learned from her.

1) "In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. . . "



Find that fun and "snap" the job's a game!







2) Don't be a afraid to say something.




Even when you don't know what to say, be brave and say something. (Even if it's "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.")






3) Always have a silly friend.



We all need someone to make us laugh and come up with silly stunts. We all need a Bert in our lives.




4) "A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down."



Bad things are going to happen. Look for the good and it makes swallowing the "bad medicine" so much easier.




5) New worlds are hidden in plain sight all around you.




Open your eyes. Begin to notice things you may have been overlooking. You never know what you will find.









6) Be thoughtful when deciding how to use your resources.

Your time, money, and energy are limited. Consider where best to spend them. Aim to make a difference in someone's life.



7) Your family is most important. 

      As awesome as Mary Poppins is, she leaves the family in the end. They do not need her. They need each other.