Does Adult Cyber Bullying Exist?

A couple of months ago I received an email from an anonymous source condemning me for decisions I had made and threatening me if I carried out some actions which I had chosen to pursue. This email was not only sent to me, but copied to many people in an organization I belong to. I quickly found myself flashing back to my late teens when I was threatened by an ex-boyfriend who happened to be much older than me. I was frozen in fear and was physically shaking as I read the email.

According to, Stop Cyberbulling.com, ""Cyberbullying" is when a child, preteen or teen is tormented, threatened, harassed, . . .otherwise targeted by another child, preteen or teen using the Internet,. . . . Once adults become involved, it is plain and simple cyber-harassment or cyberstalking. Adult cyber-harassment or cyberstalking is NEVER called cyberbullying."

Yet, a quick Google search revealed many websites saying just the opposite. Adults are victims and perpetrators of cyberbulling. News.com.au, in the article, "Cyber bulling 

against adults: a victim's story," quotes Andrea Weckerle, founder of anti-online bullying organization CiviliNation , "It's incredulous how many people still believe that cyber bullying is something that only impacts children and teens." Wechkerle continues, "The sad fact is that online reputational attacks, threats and intimidation against adults take place on a daily basis in all corners of the world."

I was shocked when I was cyberbullied twice in the last few months. Surprisingly  both times it took someone else to point out the fact that I was being bullied before I recognized it as such. 

Bulling statistics.org says, "The goal of an adult bully is to gain power over another person, and make himself or herself the dominant adult."This is exactly what happened to me. In two different situations someone, using a cyber name to cover their true identity, tried to force me to do what they wanted through intimidation. Neither person came right out with direct threats against me, but after reading their messages, I felt threatened. These adults were trying to gain power over me through intimidation. Both times I am sure the words would have been completely different if we had been talking face to face, yet the anonymity of the web allows people, even adults, to lash out in an unacceptable way. 

Both times, I was physically shaking as I read the messages and felt helpless to defend myself. These attacks were happening in my home through my personal accounts. Luckily, as adults we have more choices in the people we associate with, but going online opens your world up to people you may not regularly be friend.

Here's what I learned:

1) Recognize it for what it is. Don't just think this is a mean person and I have to get back at him. Once you name it for what it is, cyber bullying, it takes on a whole new perspective. When you see this person as a bully it is hard to take her seriously.

2) Don't get sucked in. Responding to a bully just gives him more fuel for the fire. One calmly worded note of how you feel and that if it continues you will report him to the authorities should suffice. Leave it alone after that. Stay off the site, block the user, or even delete your account if needed. 

3) Don't take it personally. I know that sounds crazy when you are being attacked, but this kind of behavior is all on the perpetrator. Just like a playground bully, he is waiting for someone to assault.

4) Reach out to a friend or even the police. Sometime just talking about it with someone who is removed from the situation can help you get perspective. If the messages don't stop, contact the police. (Make sure you document everything, it's tempting to delete but you may need it later.)

Lucky for me, these attacks were not enough to affect my life in the long term, but at the time, it is very stressful. However, I gained perspective on how teens must feel when they are caught in attacks they can't get away from.

Comment: Have you been cyber-bullied? What did you do?

Gifts of Women

I woke up with a pounding headache this morning, which made my post this week a little late, but it also reminded me of why I am grateful to be a woman.

My head was throbbing and I tried to think of any excuse I could to take a long bath and let everything else in my life go away. That's when I realized all the strength that is surrounding me in the form of my friends. I know I don't face this life alone.

Women have been a strength to this world from Eve to Joan of Arc to Mother Teresa. But there are also strong women who stand in the background and bless those around them everyday without any recognition from the world.

Women strengthen and encourage one another. I have a friend that has been battling a life-long illness with a depression that accompanies it. She has days when she can't even get out of bed. She would probably be surprised to know that I admire her strength. She has a full-time job and two kids. Even though she struggles some days to even answer the phone, she keeps going.

When we are not sure what to do next, we ask a friend. I believe that women are sent to teach each other. We can learn from history, but even better we can learn from the women that surround us today. Having lived all of my married life away from family, I have learned to utilize the wisdom of friends. After my daughter died, I began a friendship that included a long walk once a week. What a joy and healing experience those walks became. My friend taught me how to live again as we laughed, cried, walked, talked, listened, and bonded.

Women do when others can't. How many times have you decided you just can't do one more thing and then been asked to do one more thing? If you are like me, the answer is almost everyday. I had a friend next door to me years ago who was there whenever I needed her. She watched my daughter; she helped me clean my house; she fed me dinner; she loved me. Her support was how I made it through the first seven years my husband was on sea duty in the Navy.

Friends feed your spirit. It is impossible to describe the feelings you receive from a true friend just being near you. The knowledge that you are loved and valued fills the air and you are refreshed. I could list hundreds of friends in this category. I'm so grateful to the many friends across the nation who fill my spirit everyday.

Thank a friend today, let her know of your love.

Comment, tell me: What do your friends do for you?