Family Emergency

We recently had a family emergency that is hard to share, but after much soul searching, I decided that our society needs to break down the stigma and recognize the problem surrounding us. So, here it is: I found pornographic websites on my child's iPod touch. And I am not talking just naked pictures. I'm talking websites with videos that would make me throw up if I watched them.

Yes, I was devastated. We have talked about pornography in our family and we have discussed how special and private our bodies are. I was shocked to find this filth infiltrating my home. I know enough about pornography that I felt as if I had just found drugs hidden in my child's room. I cried hysterically then called a friend who has done tons of research on pornography and how it affects children. (Check out her blog at www.pornproofkids.com) After more research and tons of discussions, it seems that the pornography was accessed by a friend who was visiting our home. (Big sigh of relief, but with both eyes wide open, just in case.)

I am sharing this experience in the hopes that you will learn from us and guard your homes from the trash that is pervading our society today. Here are five things I learned:

1) Pornography is everywhere- ads, music, video games, website pop-ups, google-type searches, etc.  I hadn't realized before how music videos and video games begin to hook young minds, and that they are designed by porn pushers to do just that. Be aware of what your child is viewing even if it seems harmless.

2) Pornography WILL affect your family- Before I discovered pornography on the iPod, I had talked to my kids and have a filter on our computers. I wasn't worried, I thought my bases were covered. However, the iPod touch did not have a filter and left the opportunity for use wide open. That's when I realized, I can't keep it away from them. Kids are at school with friends with smartphones. They visit neighbor's homes. If they haven't seen pornography yet, they will. The statistics are staggering. Close to 90%- yes 90% of kids will view pornography before the age of 15. Do you really think yours will be the 10%? Which brings us to the next point:

3) Talk to your kids and keep talking- Pornography is all around us. You need to talk about it and help your kids recognize it. Teach them to name it: "That is pornography." Ads with half-naked women are pornography, music with lewd lyrics is pornography: help your family begin to notice it for what it is and choose to shun it. Then when the friend shows them pornography or they become curious they will already understand what pornography is and that they won't want any part of it.

4) Use available tools-There are plenty of free internet filters, use one. There have been times when I felt like circumventing the filters from frustration, but now I decided I will put up with the frustration to make sure my kids are safe. I have each child set up with their own account on every computer and if you use Microsoft Family Safety, you can set filters and times of access on their accounts and they will be linked to each computer.  I also learned you can put filters on your web browsers, do it (just google it!). My kids will never have internet on hand held devices (I know, I should never say never, but NEVER!). It is too easy and too tempting. Why risk it? They can use my phone when I'm beside them, or wait till they get home to access the internet.


5) Pornography is damaging physically, mentally, socially, and spiritually- Porn addiction is as bad or worse than a drug addiction. There are countless grown men who still struggle with porn after starting with a childhood curiosity. Don't let your kids be roped with an addiction that can be hidden so easily until it ruins a college education, a job, a marriage, or a family. Be vigilante. Check their devices often. Check browsing history and/or just hit back arrow to see where they have been. Wouldn't you rather know now than find out years later they they have been viewing porn for years?

What are your thoughts about pornography? What are you doing to protect your family? What do you need to do better?

It's Time for Equality

I don’t know about you, but I don’t have enough to do to keep busy. Three kids, figure skating, lacrosse, piano, cello, Scouts, Activity Days, horse riding, homework, chores, scripture reading, genealogy, visiting teaching, and lesson planning are not enough to keep me busy (not to mention those mundane things like house cleaning and cooking and such). I have also held a full time job in my recent past and even then, my life seemed empty.

I crave having to get up two hours early on Sunday morning to attend meetings with the guys and giving up one night a week to meet with the bishopric. I need to be expected to visit families at least once a month to make sure their physical and spiritual needs are met. Why can’t I be in charge of over 300 families? My level of stress is so low that my blood pressure is non-existent. If I had to deal with issues of families that can’t pay their bills or individuals going through the hardest times in their lives, maybe I could feel more normal. I think if I was able to hold the same offices as my husband in the LDS church, then I would be able to fill up all those empty hours.

Woman of the church: I'm calling for a strike!

Next Sunday, all the women should stay home from church. We’ll let the men teach nursery, run primary, and deal with the Young Women. The discussion in Sunday School will end when the teacher asks, “Who read the lesson for this week?” And the mother’s lounge will turn into the father’s football forum. There’ll be bed-head children running wild up and down the aisles. Primary will turn into one big game of kids vs. dads. The Relief Society room will be empty; the binders with countless sign-up sheets sitting, unsigned. I’m sure the men will enjoy teaching the lesson in Young Women about chastity or honoring the Priesthood. The potluck after church will be full of store-bought meals (hopefully purchased on Saturday).

We women will be sitting at home, by ourselves, in quiet, calm houses, relaxing on a couch with a good book.

 Hey, maybe I’m on to something.

I’m sure after a week without women; the men will be ready to welcome us into the higher offices. The bishop’s office will be dressed with lace tablecloths and linen curtains. We’ll only have to be at church two hours early, and we can leave the men at home. They’ll be so bored, not having anything to do besides watch the countless pre-game shows. Then we’ll hurry home to make sure the kids are washed and dressed ready to head to church. We can sit on the stand and make sure no one is sleeping. We can stroll the halls during Sunday School checking for the sneaky skippers. We’ll give the best bishopric’s address ever given in primary, then hurry to Priesthood meeting (which will be combined with men and women). We’ll conduct and teach the Priesthood meeting, then make sure the church building is cleaned before retiring to the bishop’s office for interviews and meetings. It will only be about 5 or 6 (could be later depending on what time your church starts) by the time the rounds of the church building begin to lock the doors and check the windows. We’ll get home in time to eat some cheerios for dinner and read scriptures with the kids before tucking them into bed. Then we’ll check the calendar for mid-week appointments before finally getting to bed.

Well, after thinking about it, I guess I’ll be at church this Sunday, happily sitting in my regular pew.

How do you learn?

"The most important learnings of life are caught- not taught." - Elder David A Bednar

Perhaps it's human nature, maybe it's (like my Grandma says) "society these days," but have you noticed how everyone tries to get the most with the least amount of effort? Unfortunately this applies to education, too.  Here in the United States we are each given a free education, maybe the free price tag causes us to take our learning for granted. But cost doesn't always have to be money. It can also be energy.

With the Back-to-school season in full swing, this is a great time to reevaluate our efforts to learn. Remember that we should all be learning and growing in some way. Read below for tips to get the most out of your education, whether it be formal schooling, church-related classes, or independent learning.

1) Learning takes effort. You cannot expect to learn in any circumstance unless you put forth effort. It takes action to learn.

2) Learn to love learning. We all know that if we enjoy something we do it more often. Find a way to enjoy what you are studying. Make it a joy instead of a chore.

3) Set goals. What do you want to learn? What is your timetable? Make clear goals and work towards them.

4) Talk about what you learn. Discuss your new insights with friends and family. Join in discussions at school. Listen for opportunities in conversations to share your new found knowledge.

5) The responsibility of learning is yours. Don't make excuses or depend on others. Take control of your educational experiences.

Elder Bednar is saying in his quote above that learning takes effort, like catching a fish. We must work, not just passively wait for someone to teach us all we need to know.

 Be an example to your kids. Show them how important education is and  the harder they work, the more they will get out of it.

Comment:
Tell me about something you learned because you put forth a little more effort.