It's Time for Equality

I don’t know about you, but I don’t have enough to do to keep busy. Three kids, figure skating, lacrosse, piano, cello, Scouts, Activity Days, horse riding, homework, chores, scripture reading, genealogy, visiting teaching, and lesson planning are not enough to keep me busy (not to mention those mundane things like house cleaning and cooking and such). I have also held a full time job in my recent past and even then, my life seemed empty.

I crave having to get up two hours early on Sunday morning to attend meetings with the guys and giving up one night a week to meet with the bishopric. I need to be expected to visit families at least once a month to make sure their physical and spiritual needs are met. Why can’t I be in charge of over 300 families? My level of stress is so low that my blood pressure is non-existent. If I had to deal with issues of families that can’t pay their bills or individuals going through the hardest times in their lives, maybe I could feel more normal. I think if I was able to hold the same offices as my husband in the LDS church, then I would be able to fill up all those empty hours.

Woman of the church: I'm calling for a strike!

Next Sunday, all the women should stay home from church. We’ll let the men teach nursery, run primary, and deal with the Young Women. The discussion in Sunday School will end when the teacher asks, “Who read the lesson for this week?” And the mother’s lounge will turn into the father’s football forum. There’ll be bed-head children running wild up and down the aisles. Primary will turn into one big game of kids vs. dads. The Relief Society room will be empty; the binders with countless sign-up sheets sitting, unsigned. I’m sure the men will enjoy teaching the lesson in Young Women about chastity or honoring the Priesthood. The potluck after church will be full of store-bought meals (hopefully purchased on Saturday).

We women will be sitting at home, by ourselves, in quiet, calm houses, relaxing on a couch with a good book.

 Hey, maybe I’m on to something.

I’m sure after a week without women; the men will be ready to welcome us into the higher offices. The bishop’s office will be dressed with lace tablecloths and linen curtains. We’ll only have to be at church two hours early, and we can leave the men at home. They’ll be so bored, not having anything to do besides watch the countless pre-game shows. Then we’ll hurry home to make sure the kids are washed and dressed ready to head to church. We can sit on the stand and make sure no one is sleeping. We can stroll the halls during Sunday School checking for the sneaky skippers. We’ll give the best bishopric’s address ever given in primary, then hurry to Priesthood meeting (which will be combined with men and women). We’ll conduct and teach the Priesthood meeting, then make sure the church building is cleaned before retiring to the bishop’s office for interviews and meetings. It will only be about 5 or 6 (could be later depending on what time your church starts) by the time the rounds of the church building begin to lock the doors and check the windows. We’ll get home in time to eat some cheerios for dinner and read scriptures with the kids before tucking them into bed. Then we’ll check the calendar for mid-week appointments before finally getting to bed.

Well, after thinking about it, I guess I’ll be at church this Sunday, happily sitting in my regular pew.