I have been walking around this week sad and emotional. Any little setback is affecting me way more than it should. I kept trying to figure out what is causing this response, when I realized that this is the week. Saturday was five years since my precious box of firecrackers left this earth. How could it be five years? In one way it feels like yesterday and in others it feels like so long ago.
A week ago in church a teenage girl was wheeled into the chapel, down the aisle and parked in the row just in front of us. I spent the hour switching between basking in the glow of her mother's love for her and wallowing in my self-pity. The story of this beautiful girl is similar to Katie's, but with a very different ending. She, too, was on vacation when tragedy struck. Similar to our family story, they were stuck hundreds of miles from home while the family went through the scariest time in their lives. The teenage girl was in an accident and had to have surgery on her spinal column. She made it through and by all accounts her recuperation was miraculous.
I sat in the pew behind her and her mother last Sunday, weeks after her accident, and thought, "Why can't that be me?" I watched as the mom leaned over to gently tuck her sweater tightly over her daughter's bare arms, and I was jealous. When this brave girl got up to bare her testimony with her back brace tightly secured, I couldn't breathe as she discussed the prayers and faith that got her through the beginnings of her trial.
Even after five years, I still have those moments when I just can't take it. It's not fair. We prayed, we had faith, yet my daughter didn't come home.
However, the joy and knowledge of the gospel that radiated from this young lady, couldn't be turned to bad. I sat with tears streaming down my face, but they weren't sad tears. This young lady has a purpose here on earth, her life experiences will touch the hearts and testimonies of those around her for many years to come. And that is a similarity that I am happy to share with this family. My Katie is not here anymore, but I continue to hear of how her example and life has touched hearts. I know that my testimony has been strengthened by the trial that we still endure and I pray that others around us can feel the joy and knowledge of the gospel that Katie shares with others through our faith and trust in our Heavenly Father.
I hope you know that you are one of my favorite examples. I truly love you as my sister. I am happy that Heavenly Father brought us together - even if we don't get to spend much time together. Even at 11 years out - I fall apart that first weekend in September. I dread September. I truly understand having that bad time and then realize the time of year and have reality slam right in the face.
ReplyDeleteYou and Brad are so loved by Dalven and I. We are blessed to have you part of our chosen family. I wish I could magically make your pain go away... I'm probably rambling now... Know that I love you, and I think of you often. I miss having you "just down the street."
These 5 years have gone so quickly and not a day goes by that Katie isn't on my mind. She was such a joy to all of us and such a precious gift from God. I still thank God for lending her to us for those too fast 13 years. I am so amazed by the strength you and Brad have shown - amazed and so proud of you. I so often remember the picture I took of her when she was just little and had spaghetti sauce all over her face or the time we were at Lake Powell and the wind was blowing her hair ... so many precious memories. Katie will always be with us in our hearts. We love you guys and the kids so much!
ReplyDeleteWe've thought a lot about Katie over these past 5 years. I spoke about her once in sharing time in Primary. The kids had just sung the song "I Will Follow God's Plan for Me" and I talked about the plan of salvation and the sweet girl who sang a solo in the beginning of that song for our primary sacrament meeting. I love the line, "I will be happy on earth and in my home above." Katie so epitomized that.
ReplyDeleteYour faith and strength through all of this has been an inspiration to me. I remember when I talked to the nurses who'd taken care of Katie and took them some cards you'd written. They LOVED you guys so much. They said they'd never seen a family so strong and united. I know Katie is so very proud of all of you.